Entertainment Upsets of June

My birthday month has come and gone. June, the best month of the year!

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Okay, I’m all settled now. So besides cake, presents and one endless flow of celebratory drinking, June disappointed me in some ways. The things I liked, loved, or gave a faint interest in somehow caused shock and awe in my life this past month. Here are some of greatest entertainment upsets last month. July, you have some work to do.

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Parks & Recreation likely nearing its end

A show I believe to be one of the funniest comedies that has ever ran (I know, that’s heavy stuff) is supposedly ending after its forthcoming season seven. NBC’s longest-running comedy, Parks and Recreation, has made me laugh every episode and promises to do so in its last season scheduled for 2014-2015. Amy Poehler, who plays an overly determined and optimistic parks department head, constantly keeps the jokes rolling with the help of a wonderfully comedic cast including Adam Scott and Aziz Ansari, to name a few. If you have never seen the show, seasons 1-5 are on Netflix and reruns play almost daily on FX, and the new Esquire network… for men and those who don’t care what gender a network claims their allegiance.

“I’d say that the finish line is in sight at this point,” Schur told The Hollywood Reporter after the April 24 season finale. “I don’t want to say definitively but we’ve had a lot of internal discussions about it; we’ve talked to NBC a lot about it.”

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Fare thee well, Catelynn Stark

largeMichelle Fairley, also known as Catelyn Stark in the most riveting television show that ever was and ever will be, Game of Thrones, will not be returning in season 5 as Lady Stoneheart. Spoiler alert: she’s supposed to return.

I have read through many forums for A Song of Ice and Fire fanatics and all seem to agree, the writers should stick to the story… you know, that intricately written fantasy series by George R.R. Martin. All producers, Dan Benioff and Dan Weiss, ever need to do is rework those massive novels to the small screen and watch the dough roll in. Too often, book readers see an original story being picked apart for television and movies, subsequently leaving out some of the most compelling storylines. While GRRM reportedly oversees all book-to-show decisions, it seems that Benioff and Weiss did what they wanted here. Am I right, ASOIAF fans? Obviously the realm could not handle thy beyond-the-dead-fabulosity, Cat.

 

JWoww’s Face

I admit that I have seen all episodes of Jersey Shore. Luckily for my recovering brain cells, the show has been cancelled. poelc5ni0w
I was perusing the internet, minding my own business, when a photo of the MTV star emerged in what can only be described as haunting. Why? The mother-to-be was glowing, whether that’s some new procedure in Hollywood or not is yet to be determined. I understand baby weight, but it is clear that she cannot stop injecting her poor face with crapola. I’ll never understand why women in their twenties feel the need for fillers. To be fair, the reality star has always had some, well, obviously enhanced assets. While I don’t totally disagree with plastic surgery, the girl is only 28 years-old. Boobs, okay by me! But your face is… your face. I may complain about being an old 27-year-old on the brink of death, but deep down I know I’m not going to wake up with a face full of wrinkles and a chest to my knees. Not yet at least.

 

Shia LaBeouf is a complete douchebag.

Any celebrity who pulls the “do you know who I am?” card is instantly dead in my book. Full disclosure: by dead I mean that I will forever refuse to pay $11.50 on a movie ticket, unless they happen to end up in the Hunger Games, or a some future onscreen adaptation of The Walking Dead (hello, can anybody out there in movie land hear me?) The Transformers star is no stranger to run- ins with the law. He has allegedly struggled with alcoholism for years, and was arrested last Thursday after screaming at actors of the NYC theater production, Cabaret. What did he say to police as he was escorted out? “Do you know who the fuck I am?” Shia, most people don’t, sorry to break it to you.

*Disclaimer: Disturbia is an enjoyable movie

 

My Cable Television Debut

Back in early summer I had applied via internet for a tattoo competition reality show, Ink Master, on the Spike network. When I was down in Tennessee for the Bonnaroo Music and Arts Festival, I received a call from the show’s producer to tell me that I had been chosen as a human canvas. I had to take a few trips to New York City for meetings and a physical, and was soon clear to start filming.

I was totally stoked because I always wanted to be on television- not acting- just as a reality star. We all have our silly “dreams.” Anyway, I was a semi-finalist for the Real World Hollywood and while my interest in becoming a reality personality died down wildly as I got older, I was still happy about getting a chance to test out the waters. I went down to Newark [New Jersey] at the end of July to film for two days by my lonesome and had a wonderful time. The first day of shooting was wild. I got to meet producers, crew, and experience how elimination reality shows are put together. Oliver Peck and Chris Nuñez are people I have heard of for years, stemming back to the beginning of my interest in the art of tattooing; ,meeting them was too damn cool. The best part of the experience hands down, was meeting Dave Navarro. As a big Jane’s Addiction fan, I was in total awe of his entire presence. He was a really nice guy, we talked briefly about some of the recent shows I have seen him at, and he even complimented my other tattoos. Oh yeah, Mr. Navarro also said I was “one smokin’ girl.” And not that I’m vain in any sense of the word, because I am really not, but Clint- the artist who passed out the artist to their canvases said he couldn’t tattoo me because I was “too hot.” Woo! Score.

Myself and the other human canvases walked out on cue and did what the director’s told us, we had to be loud when we spoke and at times had to redo it for options. I was more nervous than I originally thought I would be- and since filming started at around 7 a.m., I was assuming cocktails were out of the question. My artist was MMA fighter, Mark Matthews, a seriously good-looking dude from outside of San Fransisco. We had a genuine conversation when the cameras weren’t in the room. I appreciated his openness and good nature.

The second day of filming was the actually tattoo process.The tattoo was overall approved by me, and took 6 complete hours to finish- without minor detailing due to time constraints. I did not take a break once. After the fourth hour, my calf began to burn and throb. I never sat for that long in a straight period of time- it was all so overwhelming, but I bit my tongue and let him finish.

In the end, Mark was in the bottom three for his lack of “texture,” an aspect of tattooing that just so happened to be what the challenge was for the group of artists that week. He did not go home, but still received a great deal of criticism for the zombie-lady, however, I like it! After venturing through social media outlets, my tattoo did receive a great deal of love and respect, as did Mark.

I had so much fun that the quality, praise (or lack thereof), and texture of my tattoo really don’t make a difference to me. It is a permanent souvenir of my first time on television, and one that I honestly do love. Hey, I am a zombie fan after all. I mean, look at that skull… it really is a good one. The itch I was scratching’ back in 2005 when I applied for the Real World is making its way to the surface again. Who knows what 2013 has in store after my 25 seconds on Ink Master ;)

Episode 205: Trick or Freak