With the hate came unsuspecting support; help from friends I haven’t talked to in quite some time, help from people I don’t even know. Monday evening I got a link posted to my page by Facebook friend, Matthew Kirshenblatt, who has a WordPress blog himself. He wrote a blog on helping people… on helping me. It was a wonderful surprise and made me realize that not everyone is so bent out of shape that I need to ask for a little help to get something that I really want. Please, take a moment to read this wonderful post. The link to Matthew’s blog is right here.

______________________________________________________________________

The Art of Asking, Spreading the Love, and Sarah’s Walking Dead One of a Kind

Since the beginning of his show, No Reservations, back in 2005, I have been absolutely hooked; tuned in and turned onto the weird cultural traditions and custom cuisine our big world has to offer. The show centers around Bourdain, an NYC native and chef, as he travels around the world in spite of uncovering the gritty yet beautiful side of culture, food and to expose the overall thrill of adventure as a traveler, not a tourist.

Anthony Bourdain is the single most influential person I know of;  in real life, on television, in books and is, in every sense of the word influential, a huge role model.

I was fortunate to have met him last October, in which he took a photograph with myself and signed my copy of his wonderful book Nasty Bits, a tale of his time in the culinary world.

His opinions mean more to me than anyone else’s, and I admire his bravery and will to try anything.

Happy 56th, Tony! Keep on making television, inspiring and teaching me and millions of others the beauty of the lesser known.

Bourdain (left), myself (middle) and girl friend Diana at the Palace Theatre in Waterbury, CT

“I’m not afraid to look like an idiot.”

Not too long ago, I was talking to a friend of mine that I do not get to see nearly as often as I would like to. We get to chit-chat about random stuff like sports and check in with each other from time to time, and I always can rely on him for some quality inspiration. The difference between his advice and that of my close friends– and I appreciate and respect them for their help always– is that the his words come from something that is real; an outlook on improving the quality of life that has become tangible for him. I enjoy his creativity and humor in coming up with ways to stay focused and happy. This time, it is all about Positive Mental Attitude.

Those are the words that I have found myself following lately, and considering I have vowed to make 2012 a year of success and happiness for myself, I would say it is the best motto to go by. I found that this more to the point and uplifting than long strewn out sentences attempting to convince me that the darker days are through.

Having a Positive Mental Attitude, in my opinion, requires a lot of talking to yourself. Go ahead and try it. Tell yourself that you rock and you are going to be happy today. Look out the window and at the sun! It really is shining for you. Put on some good tunes (music has helped me tremendously). Dance around your room, put on your best outfit and go do something today. The more I sit back and think about any of the negativity in my past, the more I do not want to sit back and think about it ever again. What is the use, anyway? There are things to be done, plans to be made, and a full juicy day of life to conquer.

If anyone hates corny clichés more than me, prove it! But as I have recently come to realize that some of those clichés are good for something, you know, like inspiration!

Walking my dog, taking in nature!

Seize the day. Otherwise referred to by hipsters as “Carpe Diem,” this overused cliché has actually been the sidekick to my new-found love for having a Positive Mental Attitude. It may sound corny at first, but when you have already gotten the PMA behind you, it is time to go out there and put it to use- you know, by doing great things with your free time!

My crew and I were supposed to take a weekend trip to Vermont two weekends ago, but because my best friend is moving out on his own with his boyfriend, money was tight. We canceled the trip, but I am still going to snowboard this afternoon upstate with another good friend of mine. I want to take in the cold air into my lungs, zip down snow-covered hills, drink some brews at the bottom and do it all over again. Where is the wrong in this day? There only is if I let there be. Even if I had no plans to snowboard, I would put myself to good use. Whether it was helping with my parent’s huge Superbowl party tomorrow, studying for a test that has not been scheduled yet, or rearranging my extensive iTunes playlist, the hours in your day are what you make of them.

While socialites, rappers, and bond babies can party and bullshit every day, sorry Notorious B.I.G., we have real jobs and responsibilities. However, we can make the best of every minute that we have our feet on the ground, whether the sun is shining (metaphorically) or not. I am being Preacher McPreachy because I have applied PMA to my routine, like a mentally invigorating multi-vitamin taken at the start of the day for a boost of awesome. It soon becomes contagious and there is a great satisfaction when it rubs off on friends, like it has been passed on to me.

I can tell you that this mentality will set you up for a happiness and drive that will eventually come naturally. Dwelling, on one thing or everything is exhausting and time-consuming. You are in charge of your day, and your actions provoke the consequences. No matter what you are going through, making an effort to get happy may just prove easier than you though. Get out there and try, remember the great adventures this life has yet to take you. Be grateful you are alive and well, walking, talking and able to live freely so to act out on all the goals you have set for yourself. Only you can hold yourself back today! A Positive Mental Attitude is all it takes to get started.

Thank you, Vinny.

Check out his sports blog here: http://thebottomlinesb.com/

We had the very same conversations that most families and friends know not to have at the dinner table; politics, religion and other nonsensical hoopla, but with a 2011 upgrade. We each held our own when shouting our opinions on Occupy Wallstreet, stock market failures, the wars, evolution and Bible blabber. The annual drunken dinner discussions had thankfully died down, and we all began to reminisce about the good old days; childhood, accompanied by a ton of laughing and misty eyes.

As usual, my annoying brain started to over-think it all. I was trying to push it out; attempting to channel some childhood superhero power that I would just then discover of myself,  in the midst of passing the gravy, to use for the greater good in combating deep thoughts from corroding a Thanksgiving conversation of innocence and laughter. You might have guessed that I was unsuccessful at any such thought-blocking mind power.

Damnit. So here I am, incorporating separate pieces of what each family member had to say, somehow leaving me to analyze my evolution. I was taking far-fetched theories on monkeys, Adam and Eve and extraterrestrials, theories I only believe in half-heartedly, and forcibly shoved them into the puzzle of my life as if those missing pieces needed something so complex and unrealistic. 

My thoughts were interrupted time and time again by high-pitched laughter and the clinking of utensils ravishing the Turkey Day goods. I realized that my mind and I would have to discuss this after company left, and when they did I grabbed the bottle of a new type of bubbly red wine and retreated into my bedroom to write my qualms down onto paper; so to remember it all as if I were not completely out of mind, or too wasted, when I had originally thought this all up.

I have changed so much. Why? How?

I put down the vino for approximately 32 seconds, switched on ‘simple mind mode’ and accused out loud, “That is just part of life! It is part of getting old.”

::Picks wine back up, switches crazy lady thinking mode back on::

But… what has made me change? Dig deeper, Sarah. Surely, time enough does not just change people. If I sat in a room for the next five years of young adulthood with the same friends, same iPod playlist and no outside societal life, how would I change? I would not change. Ah, so exposure to the elements was the answer.

Listen to Dr. House

Of the strongest of life’s non-physical elements, relationships holds the reins. Relationships change us. Our identity is based solely by exposure to other people.  I feel it is as simple and as complicated as that. We could blame parenting for our delinquency and misbehaving, headache-inducing actions 10 years ago, but I, for one, can say that my parents did just fine raising me. Why do we always blame the parents? Kids are going to do what they want to do, regardless of curfews and the amount of times a parent takes away television for 3 weeks. This is when you start to take on change head on. Who would want to stop that? Unless we are dabbling in heroin and group sex. We run through phases and pierce our noses, streak some purple in our hair and listen to ‘scream-o’ bands in retaliation for eating vegetables at dinner; it worked for Kristen and Abby, the punk rock princesses who showed you the [black] light. Thank Kelly and Lisa for showing you how to do the S-U-C-C-E-S-S cheer which led to your position at the top of the pyramid for four years, Joey Jr. for teaching you how to punt which, down the road, got you that football scholarship, and those older kids behind the bleacher who showed you how to inhale a cigarette (and eventually, some weed) which you still care to indulge in from time to time.

But when you are no longer bound by the rules of your parents, you are taking a bigger risk of exposure to the elements; to nice people and crazy people alike. We fall in and out of relationships, and putting all cynicism aside, the majority of those relationships will probably not work out for whatever reason. People move away, find significant others who take up their time, become engulfed with their careers, or maybe they prove to be unfit for your life. But still, if we spend any considerable amount of time with particular people, we open ourselves to their influence.

Free & Happy!

We go through college, find real jobs, and meet those who are older and compelling. We travel around to new areas of the country, maybe even come home with newly established tastes for people. We know what we find attractive qualities in others; friends or lovers. We dress according to our interests, we act according to our new-found beliefs on betterment and happiness. Years go by, and some of these characteristics of ourselves stay, some are altered, most gone for good in exchange for different ones.

At what point do we even realize that we are an ongoing metamorphosis? Clothing, appearance, music tastes, attitudes, what we like to do for fun; when do those who are solid staples in our lives realize the change? It is a slow turning wheel.

Maybe there has been one person that has impacted our lives so drastically then left, that we do not want to let it all go. Should we care if those from our past see this and think we are trying too hard, or clinging to something that is not there? Maybe, upon all of the faults in a relationship, we found something positive to take from it; something that we would have never thought to be a part of us.

So when I sat on my bed and realized I was listening to new funky music and remembered my plans for the next couple of months, my past plans of the week, I was shocked. I am changing and it is noticeable. I am an unfinished evolution. We all are. I realized in that moment that I have been a better person in the past month. I have been happier and nicer to people. I have always had a bit of an attitude, but lately I have only given attitude to people who cut me in line (it happened). But… that is all! 

Put aside all the technicalities of what evolution is and look at your life. There is a pattern of change that creeps up every so often. A lot of times we are judged by it or we give it up like a good habit. Embrace the change that you are recognizing in yourself.

I am becoming someone I really like, and I am totally aware of it. Thank you, recent and unavoidable life situations!

If I want to go to a show by a band that one year ago I hated, who are you to judge me? If we are participating in activities that motivate us to be a better person, what does it matter if I just started? If you feel people are staring and asking questions about your new appreciation for all things different and previously ‘not you’,  try asking yourself what needs to be changed within themselves. Perhaps they are unhappy or jealous, bitter and cold. Let them be and continue to work on yourself. Speaking from experience, I can say that letting go of your inhibitions, forgetting what people think negatively about you and continuing to foster whatever makes you smile is the only way to grow and change into a stronger person. These are the years of your life where the foundation of your structure can be made with re-workable clay. Mold your life how you see fit. You are in charge! 

By now I am sure I have made it painfully clear that being drunk and whiny is my expertise. It is easy to pour a glass of wine and putt around the house miserable about a dumb day, but when that wears off and you are left alone and sober, struggling to find something to be happy about, you will wish you took part in something. You will wish you made plans, picked up the phone for your friend, anything to keep your mind busy and your body active productively. If this is how you feel sometimes, I am just like you, confused and constantly questioning everything that goes on in my life.

The past two days lead up to something different. For a change, I was really damn busy. I had to begin my volunteer time at the YMCA for a class project. I have not volunteered in years and although I did not really do much too much, it felt good to participate in an activity outside of school, related to school that was completely innocent. So that was the technically good part about it all.

Now for the “bad.” I forgot my umbrella yesterday and walked in the pouring rain to and from class, which seems a mile from where I am given access to park as the peasant commuter student. I was not bothered by my wet hair and clothes at all; I think I actually enjoyed it. I smoked too many cigarettes and now my throat hurts, I spent $40 dollars at Chili’s (which is way too much money to spend at Chili’s for oneself), I did not score as well as I thought I would on a school assignment and to top it all off, I am going into New York City tonight with absolutely nothing chic nor sexy to wear. Sigh. 

I will, as I have done before, make a quick to-do list. A list of revelations! Two to be exact. These are things that I have successfully achieved on a personal level without the help of another; genuine feelings of happiness that came out of an ironic sky of gloom and rain. I want you to read this. Yeah, you! I know what is pissing you off; relationships, school, no money… stupid job. And so the same old broken record manages to spin on and on.

I am going to get mad at you right now. I am going to yell (CAPS LOCK MEANS I AM YELLING) and I am going to tell you exactly what you do not want to hear but need to hear. This is like that ridiculous show on VH1, “Tough Love”, minus the collagen lips, spray tans (I prefer to keep it classic and crisp in the bed) and some douchebag know-it-all ‘love guru’ to tell you how to be a better person. I have no credentials, certificates or degree in psychology… or love, but I have what I know today. I have this week and that is all I needed to come here and give you a piece of my mind.

Get off your ass, put a fucking smile on your face and go do something with your life. You can walk, talk, laugh and do whatever you damn well please. What are you bitching about? Emo is so 2004 (or so three weeks ago when you were crying over an ex). Keep the outrageous amounts of eyeliner and black clothes and put them to use when you hit up that club this weekend. Here is what worked for me, on November 17th 2011, my own personal Declaration of Independence:

1. I stopped faking it

We throw on a fake smile or look of concern sometimes when we are put in situations where nothing is funny or we just do not care. I know I do. Come on, sometimes you have to! But by faking it this time I mean pretending to be happy. Regardless of your situation right now, you should just let your guard down. If that means crying, punching the air or sitting in a hot shower for 45 minutes, then let it out. Going about your day with a forced look of content is pointless and people can see through it. What is even worse is when you do it around your friends, the ones who know what is really going on with you. If you man (or woman) up right this very second and proclaim out loud and as loud as you can (yes, out loud is the only way to make it increasingly more effective and believable) say, “I am over it and I am moving on. I am better than this and I am not going to lie and fake how I feel to him, or her, or anyone else. It is my turn to be happy and that starts with being honest.”

There will be relief. Your reading this from someone who just did it this week. Yep, I talked to myself on more than one occasion, mainly in the car. This was not just reassurance. I did not just sit there and try to sugarcoat the future. I sat there in traffic and fully realized, finally, that faking it was the worst way to go about getting better. Emotions are such a pain in the ass, but the ones we rarely use are the ones that can really help us move on. Try reasoning with yourself. You know this is not the end of the world. Taking charge of your emotions and being honest with yourself- and to the receiving end of your problems and concerns- will make a difference in how you see life; hopefully as a more proud and assertive adult.

2. I made some seriously badass plans for the next two months

I realized that after I was going to be brutally honest with life from here on out, I would probably need to stay busy in order to deflect any overwhelming urge to revert back to the fake-smiler. I turned to friends for this. November and December are the ultimate months to visit New York City. In fact, I am so excited about seeing Rockefeller Center, I will be there three times this season. I am going to do as much as I can even if it means spending quite a few bucks. I bought tickets to a Phish concert at the end of December which cost about $150 a piece for mediocre seats. I will be at a Giants game this Sunday, I have Sound Tigers (local AAA hockey) tickets for the remainder of their season at home and I will be seeing a ton of local shows over the next couple of weeks. I am going to finish up school strong, venture out into new cities for nights out and surround myself with people who want to introduce me to their idea of an invigorating life. I want to be around those people who show me things I would normally not like, and may still not even like, but will accept me for making the challenge. My friend Zoe signed me up for Tough Mudder in April, an intense race in Pennsylvania and I will use that as motivation to workout throughout the week. See now, there are plans lurking behind every corner, and maybe you do not have $150 dollars for a Phish ticket, but Google some shit my people. I did so the other day, ToadsPlace.com. Now I will be at three shows there within the coming future. Tickets are relatively cheap and it is local,which will also save money. No matter where you are in the world there are fun options to aid in your ‘down for too long’ recovery. Kick that loser lifestyle you had to the curb and get your groove on.

There will be those brief moments when you feel helpless. These will most likely come when you are sitting on a train to the city and the lights and landscapes and people will make you sad, sad that you will not have that someone who did this all with you the previous year. The difference is, you are still doing these same- and better- things this year. The world did not stop, time keeps moving and hearts keep mending.

Paranormal Activity 3 hit theatres this past Friday.

I am going tonight! I will be sure to share my feelings on the movie. I loved the first two. 
______________________________________________________________________________________

“The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them — words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they’re brought out. But it’s more than that, isn’t it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you’ve said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That’s the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a tellar but for want of an understanding ear.” Stephen King

______________________________________________________________________________________

Perfection?

______________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________

“I’ve come to believe that there exists in the universe something I call “The Physics of The  Quest”- a force of nature governed by laws as real as the laws gravity or momentum. And the  rule of Quest Physics maybe goes like this: “If you are brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting(which can be anything from your house to your bitter old resentments) and set out on a truth-seeking journey(either externally or internally),and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue, and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher, and if you are prepared – most of all -to face  (and forgive) some very difficult realities about yourself….then truth will not be withheld from you.” Or so I’ve come to believe.” Eat, Pray, Love ______________________________________________________________________________________

You’re welcome!

______________________________________________________________________________________

This is not what we want; there is nothing more tedious, puerile and inhumane than love; yet it is also beautiful and necessary.” Virginia Woolf

______________________________________________________________________________________

I always laugh at other people falling. I also laugh at myself falling. Cancels out the wrong involved in laughing at a child.

______________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________

Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Bomb ass movie. 

______________________________________________________________________________________

Where I will be going after this blog post

______________________________________________________________________________________

Oh, happiness and giggles, how I envy you. Look at Ashton’s smile.

______________________________________________________________________________________

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life.” John Lennon

______________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________

Central Park.

______________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________

My Girl

______________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________

When you feel loved, nurtured, cared for, supported, and intimate, you are much more likely to be happier and healthier. You have a much lower risk of getting sick and, if you do, a much greater chance of surviving.” Dean Ornish

______________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________

Thanks for the sappy insight Laguna Beach writers, I mean, Kristen Cavallari

______________________________________________________________________________________

“A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.” Oscar Wilde

______________________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________

Until tomorrow, my friends. Enjoy your Monday!