Lately I’ve been wondering about what I contribute to the world. On any given day, I offer nothing major to the grand scheme of things.
I recycle, I give oodles of love to my dog, I try my hand at advice-giving when my friends need it. Sure, these things matter in their own way, but I am at a point in my life where I need to jump into something wholly for myself. I was feeling a bit off last week and spent a good hour searching the web for whatever came to my mind. Initially, I started out ogling photos of happy people on nice beaches, “fitspo,” inspirational quotes… all that Tumblr stuff that is cool to look at but makes you feel shitty afterwards.
I found this website called Tiny Buddha. I can not explain my love for this page in words, so if you care to know, head over there and do a little perusing. To make a long story short, there are contributing writers who share deep stories and real inspiration: many of which had non-motivated lives prior to an epiphany or awakening of some sort.
James McMurphy had the most powerful post of all. 6 Powerful Questions That Will Change Your Life Forever got me thinking on an entirely level, delving deeper into my true self interests. I set aside all the people, things and situations that consume me presently to focus on what exactly that I want to do in this life. So I started taking notes, and the notes gave birth to tinier notes, side notes, notes that were taking up every inch of my notebook. My free write was so free-flowing that it turned into lists: what have I accomplished, what do I want to accomplish, what would I do with a million dollars?
His first question was all I really needed to ask myself. What do I absolutely love in life?
Animals. I love them all equally, but when my dog got sick last month, I felt an intense desire to help them, but how? Do I have it in me to go to veterinary school, especially after years of college in a completely different field? Could I see animals die in front of me? Could I put them down? What are my alternatives?
Music. I am the most happy when I attend a concert, or live a weekend at a festival. The energy, the people. Being immersed in music is something I want to be a part of always. Luckily, I have the right degree and the passion. However, trying to land a job working for a big-name festival seems impossible. The best part of a gig like that? It’d get me out of Connecticut.
Travel. My truest passion is reading about culture and experiencing new places. More than anything in this world, I need to get out in the world; I want to eat creepy delicious food and learn a new language. I thought about Habitat for Humanity, but what I’m really looking for is the opportunity to finally get free and explore beyond The United States. What are my options? Serious question.
One of my favorite people to follow on Instagram is a model of sorts… who isn’t on Instagram? Anyway, she just went from Machu Picchu in Peru (my ultimate go-to destination), to Easter Island to Iceland. I mean, really? Looking at stuff like that just makes me sad, because I have no idea how people make it work.
If I have learned anything in the past 26 years of growing up and molding into a functioning human with interests and opinions, it’s that I know nothing at all. The only way I could really feel fulfilled, I believe, is if I can understand more about culture by way of my own two feet and my own two eyes.
I must admit, however, list-making the other day was fun. I learned a lot about myself through that process alone. I was able to look back at my notes and generalize the type of person I think I am, and what I really want for myself. But until I resurrect those notes into action, that’s really all they are, a scribble of words of things I dream to become.