I know people who have a very x-rated dating life and some who can relate more to a nun on the North Pole. But if there’s anything I’ve heard far too much debate on, it’s about friends with benefits.
Does it work? The consensus throughout my group of friends (split women and men) is that it works depending on the type of person you are and your expectations.
- Physical pleasure
- The feeling of being wanted
- Temporary emotional relief
- Not feeling guilty afterwards (he’s not some stranger you met at happy hour)
- Sex on the regular
- Emotional attachment
- Potential loss of friendship
- Raging jealousy
- Raging jealousy
- Raging jealousy
I asked two of my good college friends who are currently single but having a sexual relationship with their best friend of the opposite sex. Take a look!
Me: “Tell me about your friends-with-benefits relationship. How long have you known her as friends?”
*Adam: “I’ve known *Ashley since we were freshmen in high school. She dated my ex best-friend and when they broke up we got a lot closer… but just as friends, no hooking up until recently. My friend moved to Texas for college and *Ashley stayed local. We spent so much time together and still do. She’s my best girl friend. Chillest girl I know.”
Me: “When did you start to feel a physical attraction towards *Ashley? How did you know it was time to pursue something more?”
*Adam: “Ashley is a hot girl. I always felt that way about her but being her friend and doing so much fun sh*t with her was the best part of it all. We were at Gotham [a local club] when I first kissed her. Things just escalated from there and now it’s a normal thing for us to hook-up.”
Me: “Why don’t you guys just make it official?”
*Adam: “She hasn’t made any indication that she’s ready for that. *Ashley does her thing and I do mine, but mostly we do our thing together [laughs]. If it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen. I’m happy just being with her in whatever situation, I’m almost positive she feels the same way about it as I do.”
Me: “So I know you’re single, but tell me about your relationship with *Matt.”
*Lauren: “We’ve been really close friends for like six years. He was a friend of a friend and eventually he became part of our close-knit group. We’re best friends, although he’s great friends with everyone I hang with. It’s pretty awesome. I never thought about him in that way, but after a while of doing everything together it just happened.
Me: “How did it just happen?”
*Lauren: “There was a lot of sexual tension, all the time. I didn’t know what to do with it, I mean I was seeing other guys and stuff… so I kinda loved the attention. But when he made a move on me and I didn’t back away, that started this whole messed up situation I’m in now.”
Me: “Can you tell me a little about it?”
*Lauren: “Put this in your blog: Don’t f*ck around with your friend. The way I deal with it and the way he deals with it are totally different. I’m pissed about pretty much everything he does without me… it was never like that. I stay checking his Instagram and Twitter. I notice everything and it pisses me off because I’m jealous. I wasn’t jealous before we hooked up, but of course… I still hook-up with him.”
Me: “Did you ever think about talking it over with him? To see how he feels?”
Lauren*: “I thought about it but I don’t want to scare him off. At the end of the day he’s someone I care about and would hate myself for losing over my crazy emotions. I just hate that he still goes out with other girls. I f*cking hate it. He’ll always be my best guy friend but I don’t think he sees a future for us like that. Actually, I think if I don’t get my feelings in check soon, I’ll ruin any kind of relationship we ever had.”