Let the Spanking Begin: 50 Shades of Grey

I never even read the book. I tried the first chapter and was so horrified by the quality of writing I could not go further. Upon reading online book reviews and trolling through their comment sections, I concluded that the author, E.L. James, is in desperate need of a thesaurus. She apparently recycles the same sexy-time activity adjectives on every page. Many a friend who has read the series has openly admitted their distaste for some of the language as well, and they didn’t mean it was too inappropriate (not my dirty birdie friends!)

Well, for one… I don’t want to get all “excited” about a romance novel and then have the author describe the super sexy, super rich, super naughty Christian Grey’s main body part as a “member.”

If the book is targeted for young adult females, we know what it is called, so just say it! “Member” is about as much of a turn on as being woken up to do it in the morning against your partner’s better judgement to brush their teeth first.

On top of it all, the girl who is “lucky” enough to receive his “member,” well, her lady parts are referred to as, “her sex.”


Since I didn’t read it, I can’t continue my shit-talking. But what I do know is that the cast for the movie adaptation of James’ hit series has been revealed.

Anastasia Steele (total pornstar name, by the way) will be played by the virtually unknown Dakota Johnson. She’s pretty! I hope she’s ready to be tied up and slapped in the face for fun. That happens, doesn’t it?


The reason I will go to the movies to see this flick is for Charlie Hunnam. The Sons of Anarchy star is sure to fill out the role of Christian Grey perfectly. What a hunk.

By the way, if the movie is written by anyone other than the original author, which is more than likely to happen, it actually may have the potential to be a mediocre sex-driven drama that will maybe even deserve a second viewing. People like this type of movie and I predict that regardless of who was announced as the lead roles, 50 Shades of Grey will rake in big bucks in the box office.


So, did you read 50 Shades of Grey? Do you agree with the casting?

11 thoughts on “Let the Spanking Begin: 50 Shades of Grey

  1. shythom says:

    i admit it – read the first book. it was definitely dreadful. i finished it, though. apparently, i like to torture myself. there were a lot of annoying things about the writing style. rather than use the word ‘envision’ she kept on using the word ‘envisages’… EVERYWHERE! it was “she ENVISAGES” this and “she ENVISAGES” that…. ARRRGGGGHHHH! the horror of it all!!!

    the sex scenes from the book were not a turn on for me. the ONLY scene that was hot was their first kiss. must admit that sparked something. maybe that’s why i kept on reading – hoping something like that would happen again but it didn’t.

    i tried to read the 2nd book because a friend of mine was reading it – it was fun to bash the books together. but i just couldn’t go on.

  2. bubblymel says:

    I read them all, as I wanted to know what the fuss was about. It’s not a great read, and yes she does need to use a thesaurus, I had to keep reading as I wanted to know what happened. She didn’t get slapped in the face rather numerous times on her buttocks!
    I’m super excited about Charlie Hunnam! He is HOT! Perfect for the role! Not sure about Dakota Johnson, never seen her act so no idea!

  3. theappletizer says:

    I read the three books! Lol. I had to endure reading the “dirty” parts of the first book but I skipped them in the second and third. I love Christian Grey and that kept me reading! Haha

  4. jgmycroft says:

    I managed to get through three chapters… and had to stop. I didn’t even get to the “naughty” parts before I felt a headache coming on. It was just so… dull… and predictable…. like a really cheesy predictable soap opera. I’ll probably skip out on watching the movie because the book has left such a bad taste in my mouth.

  5. arranqhenderson says:

    So sad that those crap books sold in such vast numbers. Predictable, yes, and driven by some smart packaging and marketing, certainly, but still sad and dreary. I’ve had a quick scan read of a few chapters (of the first book in the series) and it is SO lame, and – as you rightly say, so incredibly badly written, borderline sub-literate in fact. There has been some very good literature driven by and themed around sex and obsession, but this sure as heck ain’t it. Nah, total muck, as we say in Dublin.

  6. Divine Debris says:

    I cannot and will not read those books. I refuse. I read Twilight, isn’t that enough? *le sigh* I just don’t know any more. What happened to good movie adaptations? If someone wants to see a cute girl get spanked on the butt or a really sexy man, please adapt Jacqueline Carey’s Kushiel’s Legacy series. That’s where you’ll find some steamy, yummy, oh so dirty sex scenes… what were we talking about? Oh, right. Hunnam has abs that deserved to be licked, jus’ sayin’.

  7. Connie T says:

    The author was on a talk show. She said she never wrote a book and copied Twilight books. The books are awful. The story was so stupid. The girl broke up with the guy after he beat her so much. The did change male actors for the movie. I won’t go see the movie. The story was so stupid.

  8. Frank Mewes says:

    True enough – people will like the movie because of the tag “naughty” and maybe because of some actors (no, I don’t like the above choice), but it still is a shame that talent and money will be wasted on such a lame and mediocre book. Those who trip on the sexuality depicted therein are innocents who have not seen anything yet…

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