My Sh*t List: The Three Most Obnoxious Celebrities Right Now, Part I.

I do not listen to Ke$ha, I refuse to ever watch the adaptation of an adaptation of an adaptation that is “Les Miserables,” and I would rather gouge my eyes out with a rusty spork than ever read People Magazine’s feature story on Kim Kardashian’s pregnancy cravings.

This is really an iPhone case for sale, entitled, "Kardashian Hot MILF." I tend to disagree, you?

*This is really an iPhone case for sale, entitled, “Kardashian Hot MILF.” I tend to disagree, you?

I would like to think I am normally a delightful blogger, but I feel like being a complete B. When is the Kardash-Swifty-Biebs-Celeb-U-Craze going to go out of style? Unfortunately, these pop-tards are likely here to stay. In 20 years, J-Biebs will be the new Justin Timberlake (shiver), we will honor Katy Perry at the Grammy’s for all of her contributions to the music world, and any icons of pop culture past will be a long forgotten memory.

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If we surveyed a classroom of freshmen in a high school on who this is, would we be surprised with the results? I think so.

Imagine a cruiseliner that could house today’s most obnoxious celebrities all comfortably in one place as we shipped it off to another country for the salvation of society’s pop culture; a great redemption in the name of music and entertainment! Unfortunately, I think that’s illegal, so for now all we can do is bitch, moan and keep our fingers crossed that some of those idiot famous people retreat back into the regular world that they probably long forgot by now.

I think I am enjoying making this blog too much, which means I will put one out once a month. A nice, updated list of who I can’t stand!

Taylor Swift

Accused of ripping up and throwing away fanmail without opening it, playing the role of innocent when she serial dates known playboys, accusing her men of treating her like dirt because they don’t want to pet kittens and sit around all day (a la Harry Styles), and the incessant whining in her music… who isn’t fed up with her? I cannot tell a lie. I used to listen to Taylor Swift back in her hay day. At 23 years-old, it’s time to keep your lips sealed, Miss Swift. Calling out John Mayer because he didn’t want to sleep with you any longer is probably why you always end up single. We get that jilted 14 year-old girls all over the country can relate, but she needs to mature the hell up. I never, ever, ever, want to hear her complain about her relationships again. Unfortunately, I know I will. Even though I don’t listen to the radio, somehow this pop-garbage is force-fed to me on the daily.

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Anne Hathaway

Her over-emotional award speeches nailed her coffin 45 times over for me. Not only do I believe her to be a mediocre actress, but her looks are so overrated. In fact, Hathaway was rated among the “Ugliest Female Celebrities No Matter What Hollywood Says” by IMDB.com. Though that list is a little iffy in my opinion, once I saw the Les Mis star, I was so happy. Someone agrees. How many times did she have to cry this award season to force us to believe she was surprised she won? Les Mis was only predicted to win about everything it was nominated for about a zillion times over. Yuck. She was just OK in “The Devil Wears Prada,” because she played the role of an awkward, frumpy young woman spot on. So she conformed to Hollywood norms and got down to the weight of a 10 year-old. Since her “breakout” role in “The Princess Diaries” back in 2001, now she just looks like a meth addict with a terrible haircut that all the fashion magazines are dubbing, “the chic new look.” Vom. Some young women can pull that off, Hathaway cannot. My opinion. End rant.

Lapham's Quarterly First Annual Gala, The Decades Ball: The 1920's

Rihanna

Remember when she was a little R&B cupcake who came onto the music scene singing her quirky upbeat number, “Pon de Replay?” Those days are long gone. If you can find a photo of the Barbados-born sex-fiend without a blunt in her mouth or without hard nipples in booty shorts, an interview with her without hearing the words, marijuana  Chris Brown, or… sex, let me know immediately so I can retract this section of the blog. She loves herself (as all celebrities do) too much, and honestly- her music is terrible, and by music, I mean that this is music that is being deemed iconic for a generation. We need an intervention on the music world, people. Why is American society so hell bent on making her a legend? She is one of the most conceited celebrities I have come to know of. Her voice is OK at best and her look can be recreated on anyone with a team of stylists. If I even happen to hear her music out at stores, it is all of her old stuff, because bleeping out “ride me,” “suck you,” and “lips around your,” there would be no song. Personally, I have been waiting for her to disappear for years now; her demise is nowhere in sight.

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RUNNERS UP:

1. Justin Beiber and his horrendous looking tattoos.

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2. Channing Tatum and his non-sexiest man alive ways. Still good looking, but OF EVERYONE ALIVE? 

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3. Miley Cyrus and her desperate attempts at being sexy

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