Playmates Don’t Eat Lasagna: Finding Health & Balance in 2012

This weekend was one big culinary orgasm. I went out to several restaurants and indulged in countless carbohydrates while unabashedly basking in gluttonous satisfaction. I drank lager after lager and chose mashed potatoes and rice as my side dishes without considering the likelihood to regret later. Far ahead of my concerns to develop rock hard abs was the happiness of myself and the company I was with. Counting calories was the last thing on my mind. But soon after my ass hit the couch, the reality of my beach bum future set in. I decided this month would be the start to my seriously intense training regimen. However, I am worried about making significant progress and being able to maintain it down the road. 

Look, I have a lot of love for cocktails, beer, and all food. I am an Italian girl whose Sunday afternoons revolve around pasta and meat dishes; breads, cheeses and wine as the main course prequel. I have learned to cook the traditional and not so traditional Italian food staples by lingering in the kitchen, watching over my parent’s shoulders and tasting everything without question. For as long as I walk this Earth, Manicotti stuffed with mozzarella and ricotta will be a part of me.

Not only was the food especially grand this weekend, but the weather was as well. The sun was shining and there was a high of 65 degrees on Saturday. I was driving home from a mall excursion pumping the Stones and looking at a sun-setting orange-purple-pink-baby blue sky. This time last year I could not find a place to put the snow I shoveled. I was constantly trapped in my house because of icy roads, and the gas bill was the highest it had been in years- I know because my father reminded us on the regular. And despite my tanning membership, I could not break the Edward Cullen paleness which the dull grey skies had cursed me with. Spring fever shot through my body and sent me into a slight panic. Maybe it was food shock, but it was most likely because I had just realized how much of a Miss Piggy I had been all weekend.

Mind chatter went something like this:

Worried Sarah: Okay, so you consumed enough calories to feed an army of children this weekend. Oh, jeez! And you want a body like some Playmate of the Year? How can we do this? Time is ticking!

Go-Getter Sarah: You are going to cut back on soda, beer and carbohydrates. No fast food, no excuses. You have to work out three to four times a week.

Pessimistic Sarah: I just do not think I can do that. That sounds way too hard for you.

Bitchy Sarah: You have to do it! Or else you will be gross and uncomfortable for all the things you want to see and do this year.

Realistic Sarah: If other girls your age can do it, so can you. You are a driven person. Plus, you are not even that bad to start.

Phew! The mind chatter ended and I got down to business.

I crunched numbers for personal training and gym fees. I also made a loose schedule with times that would work best to exercise. I figure that having a personal trainer once a week would be enough to show me how to go about particular workouts when I head to the gym by my lonesome. It gets pricey if you want their time for two or more days per week, anyhow. I will dedicate my Sunday’s to the Fitness Edge, as the weekends will be the only days I have entirely free to focus on training.

Playboy Playmate, Laura Croft a.k.a. my body inspiration

This year, it is incredibly important that I hit my goal weight and tone my body to my idea of perfection. Let me get to that now. My idea of the perfect body is in fact Playboy models. Now, now. A lot of Bunnies are all natural (Bridget Marquardt, Sara Jean Underwood, Kelly Monaco). I appreciate their balance between curves and skinniness. Realistically, these girls are not eating lasagna and drinking a bottle of Cabernet. Although, I am sure they wish they could treat themselves to said meals, they have something I aim to possess: discipline.

After the Girls Next Door was over for good, I teared up. I loved that show. They may seem fake, but I have seen those girls work out, a lot. They maintain sexy but without over … or under- doing it.  I would never discourage anyone from doing what they have to do to make themselves happy with their bodies and image- whatever that may be. Hey, I am not an aspiring Playmate, I am merely stating my opinion of an ideal body.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, the Tough Mudder competition is four months away. Team Ninja Bitches (fantastic name, right?) needs me to come through for them. Upon reading the stories of past Tough Mudder competitors, I have realized that the majority of the successes come from those who completely commit themselves to becoming stronger and building endurance. Some even prepare by doing “two-a-days,” or twice a day workouts. I could be assured results if I dedicate myself to the gym this way. Ten to twelve miles aint no joke. Twenty five military style obstacles aint no joke either. I refuse to be one.

Balance will be key.

After I completed an abandoned Tough Mudder obstacle, Mount Snow, VT in July

I only have one and half weeks before I start a daunting school routine again. I will have classes as early as 8 a.m., and some that go as late as 8 p.m. I have to get a required science course out of the way, so I chose physics. For anyone who has majored in journalism or the fine arts, I know you can feel my pain. This is not what I am good at! Science is not in my DNA. Granted I have always passed sciences with a steady stream of B’s, physics requires math, and math makes me S-I-C-K!

On top of physics, I will be taking four more classes including Honors English Seminar and Journalism Technology. I am most looking forward to my degree-related courses such as this one, which is intended to show me the ropes in WordPress, Photoshop and other funky computer programs. On my Life List, I have listed goal number 50 to get straight A’s in all five of my classes.

The party-girl lifestyle takes to the back burner tomorrow in preparation for the months ahead. Work out, study, go to class, work, work out, study, go to class, keep up a social life, repeat. You read correct. Going out will soon become the last on my list of priorities. Not only do I have to save my money for a spring and summer filled with beach fun, festivals, road trips and vacations,but there is just no room for a hangover for the next five months. Not to mention, limiting my drinking to once a week will surely result in some sort of weight loss.

Oh yeah, food. In between paragraph one and four I got up to make a waffle and hash brown breakfast. This post is increasingly portraying me as a largely overweight slob. This is my issue here. I have no problem staying at the gym for 2 hours. I do not mind sweating, running, huffing and puffing and feeling exhausted. I actually love that. Working out is not my problem. My problem is that if I continue to eat all the wonderful goodies in my home, I will cancel out all the hard work and time I put into exercise.

My next plan of attack is to get real about my diet. I have to stop eating at restaurants so much, and limit red meat (my downfall) and starches to a bare minimum. I will have to begin grocery shopping for myself, and refuse tasty treats and calorie-loaded dinners. After talking to my doctor earlier this morning, I am armed with some dietary information that will replace heavy breakfasts and in-between lunch and dinner snacks. I still need to learn how to cook healthy, and look into replacements for frequent cooking ingredients. My friend Zoë, over at is a vegan and a healthy chica at that. I admire her dedication and passion for veganism, but I am so entirely different. As much as I know the results of nixing out meats and some dairy, I am not willing to change my life that drastically. Am I being a little bitch? Maybe so.

I am looking for suggestions and help. I cannot afford a nutritionist, and in a way I do not really want one. I should be mature and responsible enough to figure some of this out on my own. If you have any tips for me, do tell. If you are planning a weight loss extravaganza like I am, I want to know how you plan to go about it.

Trying my best to stay skinny amongst the flow of alcohol on an overseas vacation

Some people are born with the genetics to eat what they want and stay skinny. I, however, have not one piece of that gene. I enjoy food because it gives me a glimpse into people and what is important to them. Food shows me cultural techniques and personalities. It fascinates me endlessly by holding the ability to mold an age-old recipe into something new, modern and  personal all the time.

Tonight, I will replace wine with water, chips with fruit and keep my eyes focused on the bigger picture; a life of health, happiness, a better self-image and an overall sense of accomplishment. This year is the year to get fit and toned, look sexy and feel confident. Will you join me?