Diggin’ a Little Deeper in the Name of Love
There are so many blogs out there! I must say it gets overwhelming to take in all the advice these young guys and gals are throwing my way. Somehow I manage, but end up picking and choosing pieces of each that teach me something; something I can remember later which has the potential to help me in different circumstances.
Well upon reading advice by the masses, I began to generalize what each writer was trying to get across. I started to feel as if I was trapped in the Twilight Zone of blogs, clicking wildly from one to another. Both sexes were rambling on about the same old stuff, what to look for in a partner. Uck. I just wanted to read something vulgar and obscene; a different kind of insight, but I could not take my eyes off the page. I was zoned into the ocean of black words that were infringing on my ability to click the little “X” at the top right of the web browser.
Forgiving, respectful, honest, loving, down-to-earth, smart, yeah, those are all key characteristics to have in this life. I wanted to comment on each and every one… “DUH!” Who wouldn’t want to have someone in their life that has all of that? It is like when you are listening to your friend babble about what they look for in a partner.
“Well, they have to be trustworthy and determined. You know, like, they have to be a hard-worker and enjoy their family time. Oh, and they have to be caring,” Friend X says.
Caring as in takes in stray cats to the point where A&E is scoping out their house for the next season of Animal Hoarders? Has so much “respect for themselves” that they need to bless themselves with Holy Water before entering a bar? A sexy outfit is ‘not them’ and taking whiskey shots is demoralizing; only easy girls take shots. God comes first, reading is a must, and “live, laugh, love” is their motto. Fuck. What a good catch.
However, we know those redundant qualities are important to us all, when they are not taken to the extreme, such as above (trust that those people exist), but when that person comes around are you counting the ways in which they are honest about their life story and respectful towards elders? Distinguishing the basics actually takes a bit of time to discover in someone new. What do you first notice aside from his striking blue eyes or her long lean legs? Do they paint to pass the time, write passionately, play a sport, have a knack for interior design or live to travel the country on a dime? Do they enjoy beer festivals and music you never really listen to? These are the characteristics that make a person and they lie right on the surface of the personality. They do not have to try too hard or go out of their comfort zone to let you know they really dig underground hip-hop and have been going to shows in the city for years.
Using these boyfriend/girlfriend-picking tools are what separates the unique “always keeps me on my toes” type of people from those merely suitable for companionship in all the technical ways. So are those defiant people already taken by others that are equally as cool as them? Maybe. But thinking like that is no bueno for the most part. You will just settle for someone boring and plain. Yeah, I can be a bitch, sorry. Well, I am assuming we all know what it is like to just settle because it feels comfortable. So I will skip over that, because it is identical to beating a dead horse.
A relationship that is going to last a long time are the ones where the two of you have different interests; interests that do not include what the entire general population most likely does on the regular. I mean, reading books and doing puzzles are fantastic little activities to do, I am not knocking either. I participate in both. I am talking about having separate lives that can be rubbed off on each other. You and your lover will never have a dull moment, unless it is in bed together when you are about to fall asleep- and even then, you would not consider it dull.
I know a couple who were completely different from the start. He listens to reggae and makes jewelry and hemp goods by hand for fun, and acquires a small amount of money from it. He is so good at it, too- matching one beautiful stone with another– and doing this all day because he loves it. She owns her own pricey boutique in Fairfield County, none of his stuff was sold there. She loved high heels, lipstick and pop music. He appreciates her for all that she is (which could be a little diva-licious at times). They are two different people, but they love each for all their differences; in hobbies, music, and so on.
So let us rework those overused sought after traits (feel free to find your own): creative, risk-taking, intelligent and cultured, well-read, well-spoken, assertive, dedicated to continually being a better person. Ahh, that sounds so refreshing!
Being taken to a concert where you know two songs and only because your significant other tried to teach you a couple before the show is so much fun. When that night is all said and done, it is your turn to give him a piece of you. For as long as you both remain individuals you will stay together, and more importantly happy together. That is really how I feel. Forget all the classic nonsense we bust our asses trying to find in a person, they are there somewhere and if not, you will find out sure enough.
I want more people to use non-generic terms when they vent to me about what they want. You will find yourself falling out of the same routine of “I’m with him/her”… “We broke up.” Apparently their approach to finding someone is not working. I will bet it is because they are either not digging too deep, or digging entirely too deep.
So you are not being picky when you say you want someone who uses their imagination or wears rose-colored glasses. You are breaking down the ever-so-lame character categories that we expect the entire world to be a part of. Do you not want more? You deserve more.
There seems to be proof in the numbers. If there are hundreds, possibly thousands of blogs out there discussing this topic on an ongoing basis, we are all obviously doing something wrong.
Try doing it differently for a change. Open your eyes to the little things that make people what they are and it could mean the difference between relationship status and staying single and bitter.