If you are stressing a breakup on this beautiful Tuesday afternoon, you are wasting quality living time. Whether it is a relationship that ended last week or last year, you need to realize there is hope beyond despair. Even if there are only small remnants of heartache lingering on that almost fully repaired heart, you need to get past it. Today I am here to offer some arguably harsh advice as to why you are too good in all aspects of life to feel helpless any longer.
Put on some Lady Gaga, grab your favorite comfort food and put aside 15 minutes for some helpful advice to de-angst this afternoon and the rest of your afternoons to come.
1. Your ex is not on your level anyway
You have that coveted degree which took years of dedication to obtain, you fought hard through the failing economy to find a job that pays the bills which are paid on time with money to spare, and you look good doing it. That should be enough. Regardless of what he or she is doing, you need to get your mind set on the idea that you are better than that previous relationship. All the hard work to get where you are today did not just come overnight. Managing time to get your body in shape, keep up your physical appearance, and keep your societal duties on track are accomplishments that sets you apart from the ex that does not care about one, or worse, all of those aspects of their personal life. If you find yourself often thinking of all the responsibilities your life entails, think about having no responsibilities like your ex. Moreover, maybe he or she has baggage from a previous relationship that is unavoidable. Why would you ever want to deal with someone who is lazy but still consumed with crap from before you came around. We are young, and do not have to settle for someone who has these problems when there is a world of people out there, about 7 billion to be exact.
2. You were never treated with respect
Think long and hard about the things that pissed you off during that relationship instead of dwelling on the snuggles and cuddles of movie night. Chances are you paid for the pizza, wine and rented movie, meanwhile the ex sat back and probably expected you to make him or her climax before the climax of that movie. How about when you both went out to the bar? Who paid? The tab should never be left to one person, even for the guy. Once and awhile is definitely acceptable, but did it become a habit? If you were fronting the bill for dinner, drinks, and weekend excursions, rethink why you think they wanted to be with you. We often label the ladies as the materialistic culprits, but dudes are oftentimes the most unsuspecting victims. Buying your man tickets to his favorite baseball game is a fabulous gesture of love, but that should be reciprocated with something equal at some point in that relationship. If he thinks repaying you for those $200 dollar box seats is a long night of [his idea of] passionate sex, that in itself is enough material to get over him. To close this section of my rant, I will say that any excessive use of Facebook and social networking is disrespectful. While you were together, if the ex felt they had the personal right to do as they please on Facebook, chances are they were up to no good. Texting while you were together then moving the phone faster than Clark Kent would get to a woman in despair probably means they were doing something you would not approve. I call the following paragraph, in short, “loser status.”
3. You have greater things lined up for the future
Whether you are in graduate school, just landed a great new internship or got a pay raise, you are doing something productive. You can creep their Facebook until the cows come home for information on what they are doing, but come on, you already know. You know their schedule and what they do on their free time. Late night computer games, sleeping all day, online dating, and that local bar they have been going to since they were legal to drink. Who cares! You are intelligent and on your way to big things. You like to travel to new places on the weekend, enjoy experimenting life in terms of activities to keep you busy, and do not freak out with panic attacks when you meet new people. You are young and in charge of your destiny. Chin up my readers, you are not even out of your 20’s yet. Skip a month of bar-hopping and online shopping and you can set up a weekend getaway to NYC with friends (because you have them) and you are free of any obligations that could prevent that. This is the best way to take on a breakup. Realize the potential of your future, even if it means signing up for the first time at a gym or dying your hair a completely different color. Make a start towards getting better, however small. You can argue that your ex can do the same, but you are better than them (see #1, if you forgot!) .
4. What did you really like about them anyway?
If you were exclusive with your ex for 5 months or 2 years and you are still dwelling, make a list. Yeah, I said it! Make a little list of what you liked about them and what bothered you. Burping, picking their nose, scratching their crotch and other gross bodily functions do not count. What counts is if they were chivalrous. Did they get you flowers for no reason, never forget those important anniversaries (birthdays, Christmas, your first kiss!), offer advice when you were stressed about work, listen when you felt there was a significant problem in your relationship, understand when you were not feeling up for a night of romping in the bedroom, wanted to do more than just go to the bar? These things are huge factors in feeling out whether or not a long-term relationship would have worked. How did he or she treat the people around them? Were they always making excuses not to see you? Worse, did you only see them once a week? We are big kids now, we all have needs which should be respectably met more than once a week, and I am not just talking about sex, but true companionship. How well could two people get to know each other if they are only meeting once at the bar on Saturday night over loud music and too many drinks? Answer: not well enough for anything substantial and long-lasting.
Oh, Jon Hamm. How I love thee!
We are young and there is a world of fun out there. Stay busy and surround yourself with the people who have always been there for you, when your ex was not. We are only here on this wonderful Earth for a brief moment and deserve happiness. In time, you will find someone who has everything your ex could never give. Live well and start now!