An Afternoon Vent Sesh
“Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone.”
The always lovely Janet Jackson may have made this truthful statement extremely famous, but this one has been around for a long time. We hear it quite often, but what does it really mean and how does it apply to you?
This is about feelings. Fellas, if you feel like you need to “X” out of this page before you are plagued with the sad truth, you should probably read this more than anyone else. I will break this up into three sections to make clear the main concerns of relationships through my recent observations; through friends and classmates, public Facebook interactions and late nights out.
Hiding what you are doing is lying.
If you make plans with someone or suggest to hang out and those plans fall through on account of the other person, you have to ask yourself why. Do not disregard it lightly. This is rude. Maybe you think you are over analyzing, but you have the right as the person ignored to nitpick that situation. Does the girl need to be the one who sends reminder texts and phone calls? It sure has hell seems as though we are expected to, and then when we do, we are called crazy. Look, if it was talked about one to two days ago, I would say that day belongs to the two of you. Shooting over a completely irrelevant text message earlier in the day does not constitute for effort, generosity or respect. Doing so is completely contradictory of those attributes. Face it ladies, and it is truly difficult sometimes, but if that person wanted to see you, they would have made the time. This is a bad start to any relationship, and is a foreshadow of your level of importance for the long run.
Mind games are better left for magicians.
I am pretty sure there are no 16 year-old jaded high-schoolers cruising my blog for relationship advice, so let us pretend ( I know it is hard for some) that we are all mature adults. If you are not interested in this person, acting like you are is set up for a woman scorned. If you have never experienced a heartbroken woman, it comes with a lot of heavy emotions with a degree of slight psychosis. Kissing, hugging, buying dinner or drinks, and having sex is dating. Doing these things more than once a week is dating. Late night phone calls and early morning wake-up texts is dating. Do you know friends that do this? Have you not seen No Strings Attached or Friends with Benefits? It does not work. If you are not interested, or would rather just be wholesome, no-sex, no-kissing, no-touching friends, man up and tell her. Once you tell her, stick to it. Blaming sex on the amounts of drinks you had an hour prior is ridiculous. No girl wants to hear that the next day.
What not to do if you are dating or post breakup.
If only they taught this in school. If you are dating around and trying to see where things will go, I have some advice for the guys. When you are in each other’s presence there will be no: texting other girls, checking your Facebook, Tweeting about her skin-tight dress and killer legs, checking the NFL score or zoning out into oblivion when she talks. If she seems interested then you are lucky, this is assuming you did not sit there and talk about yourself for an hour; blabbing about your favorite band and spewing bad jokes did not affect her enough to get up and run, so remember that. Ask about her, show interest in what she is doing with her life. Women love attention and we deserve attention. Give her that for the night. If you are post-breakup and you want to remain friends then you need to decide if it is worth the effort. There will be weeks of hurt and jealousy, maybe even longer. If you both decide that you can work through this tough phase, there are rules for that, too. It is hard to just let it be. Working on a friendship after a breakup requires a lot of respect and consideration. Posting pictures of you and your new girlfriend all over Facebook is not okay. Come on! Give it some time. Did your mother not teach you common courtesy? If you feel it is absolutely necessary to photobomb your friends’ newfeeds, she will not want to be friends much longer. Another great list of don’ts include: talking about how great your new find is, showing pictures she sent via text, blowing off your ex last-minute to see some girl you barely know (who is really more important) and asking for advice right off the bat. Stop being stupid.
If you realize that the girl you are dating is a truly good person and has qualities you typically look for in a partner, then go for it. Go all in. If you realize she is completely awesome but cannot stay faithful, love attention from various women online or never wanted a relationship to begin with, well, that is where Miss. Jackson can teach us a thing or two.
Normally, recognizing that we fucked up hurts when we are further down the road. Months or years from now when you are stuck with someone because you settled, regret will be the most unavoidable burden. Second chances are few and far between.